


I'm Not What I Was

by thirdsister



Category: Titans (TV 2018)
Genre: Angst, Eventual Sex, F/F, F/M, Mild Kink, Multi, Threats of Violence, cw for mention of stalking, good consent is good
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-24
Updated: 2019-02-18
Packaged: 2019-08-28 12:26:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 9
Words: 9,491
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16723389
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thirdsister/pseuds/thirdsister
Summary: Young lawyer, Barbara Gordon, has made a name for herself in Detroit. She has also made a deadly enemy. If she wants to  survive, she'll need the help of a detective with double life and woman from another world.





	1. Chapter 1

It was a quarter past nine and already the precinct was humming with energy. Ordinarily, Dick Greyson found the constant thrum of bustle and chatter familiar and comforting, but after weeks on the road it all seemed overwhelming. How was he supposed to comb through the mountain of paperwork on his desk when everything, even the fluorescent light flickering above his desk, was making some much damn noise? He was about to give up and go get his third coffee of the morning when Detective Burke appeared at Dick’s desk. 

“Welcome back, Grayson.”

“Hey, Burke. What’s new?”

“Anyone fill you in on Corporate Lawyer Barbie over there yet?” He nodded towards the 20 something ginger woman talking to Detective Pierre a few desks away. Looking at body language alone, he’d think it was a social call, both women were visibly relaxed, the red head was even laughing, but Detective Pierre was writing something in the notepad she used for taking statements so this had to be official business.

“Nope, but I’ve only been back for” He looked at his watch, “78 minutes so…”

Burke pulled up a chair. “So, Barbie over there is here at least once a week, sometimes more. Like I said she’s a lawyer and she royally pissed off a bunch of people Crown Prince Industries. Won a big lawsuit”

“Oh yeah, I read about that. Something about how they dumped their chemical waste? It got into the water supply in Middleburg. Made people sick”

“Yeah. A kid even died. But Barbie’s got chops because she won the case and they must be pretty pissed about paying up because she’s always in here reporting something. It’s usually just threats, but sometimes it’s vandalism. And right before the trial some guys jumped her. Ended up in the hospital with two broken ribs.”

“Jesus. They find who did it?”

“Nah. But you can bet who ever those guys were, they were working for CP. Well, anyway, I’ll let you get back to it. Looks like you’ve got your hands full” Burke tapped the stack of papers on Dick’s desk. Dick just smiled and shrugged. 

Dick had finally hit his stride when he was interrupted again by the sound of someone approaching his desk. Burke was a nice enough guy, but Dick was short on patience this morning. “Look I’m kind of in the middle of something so can we do this later?” Dick grumbled without looking up.

“Oh, yes, of course, I’m so sorry!” Dick put the pen down. Not only was it not Burke, it was a woman’s voice he didn’t recognize. She was already turning to leave when he caught sight of her.

“Wait, sorry, I was expecting someone else. What can I do for you?”

“I really don’t want to bother you. I was just going to introduce myself, I’m here all the time and I haven’t seen you before so I figured you must just have transferred”

“No, I’ve been here a while, but I was on leave. First day back.”

“Well, welcome back Detective…” 

“Grayson. Dick Grayson,” he extended his hand, “and you must be Barbie.”

“I see DETECTIVE BURKE HAS BEEN BUSY THIS MORNING” She called over her shoulder. Dick could see Burke giggling from across the bullpen. “It’s not Barbie, it’s Barbara. Burke calls me ‘Corporate Lawyer Barbie’ because he things he’s being cute and because the first time I came into the precinct I was wearing a dress and heels.”

Dick chuckled. “Nice to meet you Barbara.”

“You too. I’ll stop distracting you from your work. See you around.”

The hours ticked by at a glacial pace. Maybe it was the way she nonchalantly reported death threats, or maybe he was just desperate for a distraction, but by the time 3pm rolled around Dick found himself unable to resist the urge to swipe the young lawyer’s case file from Detective Pierre’s desk. On first glance, there wasn’t much of note in the file. A few details about her life, Barbara lived alone in a one-bedroom apartment downtown with a laughably inadequate home security system. There were pictures of her injuries, transcripts of the messages she’d received, copies of the letters. He lost an hour poring over them. He’d expected them to be the usual rudimentary intimidation tactics novices usually copy from movies “I know where you live.” “I’ll kill you” “I’ll kill your family”. But these were… specific and creative. They didn’t just want to scare her, they wanted her to suffer. And judging by the detailed descriptions some of them included of her routines, they knew how to get to her any time they wanted. Dick closed the file and placed it back on Pierre’s desk. Barbara’s assailant might know exactly how to find her any hour of the day, but unfortunately for them, Dick Grayson did too.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barbara and Dick kick some ass

Barbara Gordon used to love walking through the city at night. The lights in the high rise windows, the neon glow illuminating restaurants and store front signs, how the streets could be so filled with noises: sirens, people shouts, car horns, music and then you’d turn a corner and everything was silent. That feeling, putting in her headphones and strolling, pretending she was in a movie. She would glide down the sidewalk to songs that made her feel like the center of the narrative, she would stroll contentedly to the ones that reminded her what she really was, one cell in a colossal organism. But that was before. 

She wouldn’t dream of putting in her headphones at night now. She had to remain alert, the risk of not hearing the footsteps behind her was too great. She never strolled, never glided, she hurried from one enclosed space to the next, keys pushed between her fingers like claws. Always ready for the next attack. She missed the easy evenings of time before, but she knew she was lucky to ever have felt safe alone in the city. Plenty of people never did. 

When she turned the corner on her way home from working late she wasn’t at all surprised when three large men materialized out of the shadows. She did, however, wish the Taser she had purchased for protection wasn’t still 2-3 business days away from arriving in her mailbox. Her father wanted her to own a gun, but Barbara knew, even though she knew how to shoot, even though she kept calm under pressure, she was much more likely to be injured with her own weapon than she was to defend herself with it. Even if she did manage to defend herself, what if she made a mistake? What if what she thought was a threat turned out to be nothing at all. What if she killed someone who meant her no harm? She could never live with that.

Here she was, the only weapon she had was a set of keys. Three of them and one of her. There was no winning this fight, but she could try. She could fight like hell and take at least one of them with her. 

Dick knew he shouldn’t be following Barbie- Barbara. She wasn’t even his case, but those letters in her file- he had tried to tell himself he was being paranoid- but he had noticed a pattern. The intensity of the threats increasing usually escalated to violence (or in this case, another bout of physical violence). When he put on his Nightwing suit and kept an eye on her from the shadows, he told himself he was in a prime location to stop a mugging, these alleys were notorious and it had nothing to do with Barbara. This, of course, was a lie. Muggings were increasingly rare how that so few people carried cash and now that credit cards and the best cell phones could be rendered valueless with a few keystrokes. Most crime was either digital or personal, both equally hard to prevent and prosecute.

Dick was surprised to find himself hesitating when the three men surrounded Barbara. He’d been anticipating this moment for for a week now, but instead of swooping in, he found himself hanging back waiting to see what she would do. Barbara did not disappoint. She remained still until the first of the men was in close range. Then she sliced with what looked to be keys at his eye socket. Blinding him at least temporarily, perhaps permanently in one eye. A less skilled fighter would have stabbed instead of slicing and lost the keys in the eyeball. The first assailant staggered back and the second advanced. She grappled, slicing scratching and punching. A well timed knee to the groin combined with a heel to his instep dropped him to the ground, but it wasn’t enough to give her the upper hand, the third was already on her. Dick heard a scream and a horrific pop as the third dealt a kick to the back of her knee. The third had her face in his right hand and was winding up for a gut punch with the left when Nightwing entered the fray. 

Nightwing hit the third assailant with his stun gun and rendered the second unconscious with well place blow from his baton. The first was still on the ground clutching his eye from Barbara’s attack. Barbara was on the ground, crawling backwards away from him. 

“It’s ok, I’m not not going to hurt you, I promise” Dick said, making his voice sound as even as and soothing as he could. It seemed to be working, she wasn’t dragging herself backwards anymore. He held out out his hand. “Can you stand up?”

Barbara took his hand hand and tried to put her weight on her injured leg. She winced and fell back onto the cold alley floor. She shook her her head. It was clear from the angle that her knee was dislocated.

“I’m going to pop your knee back into place. It’s going to hurt, but it’ll be easier if you can try to relax ok? Just look in my eyes and listen to the sound of my voice” She nodded. She was smiling a little, it wasn’t her first dislocation and it was… sweet that he was spending this much time trying to distract her. There was a crunching sound “and there we go.” She felt pain and relief milliseconds apart. She knew from experience how lucky it was that it had been dealt with early, before her joint had time to swell. 

She still wouldn’t be able to put weight on it, they both knew it. He took her right arm and draped it over his shoulder and put his other arm behind her thighs. There was no point in complaining about being carried, it was much faster than hobbling. 

“Where exactly are you taking me?”

“Somewhere safe.”

“Oh good, I love vague answers. Especially when I’m being kidnapped by a man in mask and spandex onesie.”

“It’s not spandex.” Dick smiled to himself. He had a feeling Corporate Lawyer Barbie was a little more than he had bargained for.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-rescue Dick isn't as smooth as he'd like to be

Long before he’d earned his license, driving had felt like second nature to him. Tonight, however, he couldn’t achieve that perfect symbiosis of man and machine he normally felt behind the wheel. Instead he was self-conscious. He could feel her watching him. He was halfway to his apartment before he realized how careless he was being. She would be safe, sure, but taking this woman he barely knew who had no reason to trust him and who was on a first name basis with several of his Detroit PD colleagues to his home would mean putting his identity and his job at risk. He was already on thin ice with the amount of leave he’d taken. He doubted he could survive being outed as a “dangerous” masked vigilante. 

Dick changed course, doubling back towards Barbara’s place. It wasn’t the most secure option, but considering she had been attacked in the street and not in her home, she would probably be fine there, at least for the time being. Barbara raised her eyebrows at the change in direction.

“Making sure we weren’t followed?”

“Exactly.” Dick lied.

She settled back into her seat. She looked relaxed, but it was a carefully constructed illusion. She never took her eyes off him. Dick had to admit it was smart, he would do the same in her situation. If he were her, he’d assume a masked vigilante swooping in at just the right moment was a trap. A way to get her to let her guard down, make the kill quick, maybe get the body far from the city so it would be difficult to trace. He wanted to say something reassuring, but “I’m not going to murder you and dump you body in a river” is the type of thing someone who was planning to do exactly that would say, so he sat and silence hoping she wouldn’t find it creepy that he knew exactly where she lived. 

“Well, this is me” Barbara joked as he pulled up to her building. “Thanks for the rescue, Captain Spandex” She unbuckled herself and opened the door. She was moving with considerable speed for someone who had recently dislocated her knee. Barbara Gordon continued to be impressive.

“It’s Nightwing and I’m coming with you.” Barbara remained calm, but Dick saw her eyes widen slightly and her shoulders tense. “Just to do a sweep of the perimeter. Make sure you’re safe.” Barbara nodded, but she her body remained tense. He told her to wait as he checked all the entrances of the building. Once he was satisfied, they made their way in an up the the 4th floor. They held their breath as she unlocked the door. Nightwing held up his hand and Barbara paused in the doorway. The apartment was small; it only took a few minutes for him to perform a sweep. He motioned her in. 

“Well, this has been… thank you. I’m going to take twice the recommended dose of aspirin and pass out now.”

“Here,” He said shoving a small keychain sized device into her hand. “For next time. Just press here and I’ll show up.”

“Why?”

He didn’t have a good answer for that, so the truth would have to do. “Because the people who want to hurt you aren’t going to stop and because just following you around would be creepy.”

She chuckled. What else could she do? It was too ridiculous not to be funny. She turned around and started to make her way towards the kitchen. “Can I offer you a drink or something?” She called over her shoulder, but he was gone. Barbara sighed. She would have to fill out yet another police report in the morning. But that was a headache for tomorrow, tonight she would sleep and try not to think about how close she had come to never seeing her bed again.


	4. Chapter 4

“Barbie, you were just in here on Tuesday.”

“Another day another death threat, Burke.” Barbara smiled, waving a white envelope. “I opened it with gloves on, but I doubt it matters. There weren’t any prints on the others. The tone of this one is a little different too.” She placed the envelope in Pierre’s gloved hand. 

“We’ll dust it anyway, maybe we’ll get lucky.” Pierre began reading. Dick saw his opportunity and snuck behind her to read over her shoulder. “Jesus, Barbara, the tone’s a little different? They teach you to undersell like that in law school?”

“The phrases this guy is using ‘nail you to the wall’ ‘if they can find enough pieces of you to bury’, this is a bomb threat” Dick interjected before he could stop himself. Pierre looked up, annoyed. Dick shrugged apologetically. 

“Yes, Detective Floppy Hair, I gathered that.” Barbara deadpanned. 

“Well, Barbie, what precautions are you going to take?” Dick stood up straight and crossed his arms. Burke and Pierre shot each other a look and tried to suppress their laughter. 

“I’ve notified the office, especially the mailroom and front desk to be on the look out for any suspicious packages or deliveries. Anything addressed to me, especially without a return address. I’ve circulated copies of the hand writing sample around, even the custodial staff have access to it. I’ve let the people in my building know as well, but that’s far less organized so the risk level is higher.”

“Well, ok, that’s a good start” 

“I need to get to the office. I’m sure I’ll be back soon. Bye Pierre, Burke, Dick.” She pronounced his name like an expletive, but she smiled a little while doing it. 

Pierre took a sip of coffee before saying, “Don’t worry too much about Barbara, Grayson. She’ll be just fine.”

“Yeah, Dick” Burke said mimicking Barbara’s tone. 

“Shut up, Burke.” Barbara was something else alright, but he wasn’t so sure she would “be just fine”. He also knew he couldn’t protect her tonight. Tonight he had to be Detective Grayson, not Nightwing. He needed backup. 

It was a little after sunset when Dick heard his phone buzz. “How long am I on Lawyer Barbie-sitting duty?” the text from Kori read.

“Just make sure she gets home and make sure her apartment is clear. It’ll take you 30 minutes, tops” He wished he had never mentioned Burke’s nickname for Barbara, Kori refused to drop it. 

 

“You owe me”

“Always”

Barbara’s hair was still wet from her post-gym shower when she left her office building. She had made it through the day without any explosions, now she just had to make it home and check her apartment. It was going to be fine. She could do this. She jumped a little when a woman across the street called her name.

“It’s ok, Nightwing sent me. I’m Kori.” She held out her hand. Barbara took it. 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Barbara. I don’t mean to sound ungrateful, but is there any chance he’s mentioned to you why he’s made my safety his personal mission?”

Kori giggled, “No he’s not really ‘let’s discuss my motivations’ type. But if I had to guess, it’s because you put yourself in danger by helping people.”

Barbara smiled, she could feel heat in her cheeks.

“Well, I don’t want to take up too much of your time, I live down this way.” The two women began walking. “So, if you don’t mind me asking, what’s your deal?” _Besides being the most beautiful woman I’ve ever seen in real life_ she wanted to add, but thought better of it. Kori was formidable. Tall (though that could be her platform boots) and strong with curly magenta hair and emerald eyes. She wore a shimmery purple jumpsuit and dark violet lipstick. It took considerable swagger to pull off a lipstick that color, and Kori had swagger in spades. 

“My deal?”

“I mean, your friend, Budget Batman has his suit and his gadgets. What’s your thing?”

“Budget Batman? Oh god, I can’t wait to call him that” Kori panted through her laughter. She steadied herself. “You see that garbage can over there?” Barbara nodded. Kori lifted her had, an orange glow ran through her body as if she was being lit from within and in milliseconds the trashcan was reduced a smoldering puddle of molten metal.

“Ah. So you’re definitely an upgrade.”

“I like to think so.”

The walk felt shorter than usual. Kori had a way of putting people, even total strangers at ease. It was the first time Barbara had been able to relax a little since the death threats had begun. That came to an end the moment they opened the door to Barbara’s apartment. There in the middle of the floor was a brown package with “To Barbara” written in the same style as all the letters. 

Kori wasted no time, she grabbed the package, threw open a window and jumped. The bomb detonated while she was in midair. She curled her body around it to absorb the blast. The bomb was small and Kori was unscathed, but the front of her jumpsuit was more ash than fabric. She climbed back through the window, the remains of the package in her left hand.

“There’s not a scratch on you!”

“Tell that to my clothes. Here,” She tossed the package to Barbara, “might be something in there the police can trace back to the person who made it.” 

She inspected from the remains of the device. Nails and other bits of mettle were sticking out at odd angles, many of them bent where they’d come in contact with Kori’s body. “It’s dirty” She mused.

“Yeah, it just exploded”

“No I mean it’s a dirty bomb, see the shrapnel.” 

“Oh. Let me check the place, make sure there aren’t any more gifts waiting for you.” 

“Thank you!” Barbara called. “hey Kori? Do you want to borrow a T-shirt or something?”

“All clear and yes, I went ahead and helped myself.” Kori was holding an oversized shirt Barbara used for sleeping. She blushed a little at the thought of Kori going through her drawers. 

“The ‘What the Fox’ shirt. A classic.”

“Why does it have bats on the back?”

“They’re flying foxes.” 

“Cute. So here’s what’s going to happen. I’m staying here tonight. Don’t argue with me. The people that want you dead know how to leave a bomb in your apartment and lock the door behind them. You’re going to get a go bag together and start brainstorming other places you can stay. Friends, family, I don’t know an especially nice coworker.”

“I can’t stay with my friends or family. I’m not putting them or anyone else in more danger. It’s my mess, I’ll figure it out.”

“That is very noble and incredibly stupid.”  
Barbara shrugged. “Thank you, Kori” she said, taking Kori’s hand. “I owe you my life”

“Join the club.” Both women fought back laughter and for a moment, just a moment, they were content. Basking in the warm glow of one another’s company.


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dick cares a little too much and Barbara finally gets to use that stun gun she was waiting for in chapter 2

Dick was going to kill her. He was going to murder her right here in the police station in full view of every cop in Detroit. The unmitigated gall of this woman. Not only did she waltz in with the charred remains of an explosive in her hands and chipper grin on her face as if it hadn’t nearly blown her to bits, she had waited more 12 hours to do it. He knew from Kori’s texts that she was refusing to relocate. That stubborn, arrogant-

“You brought us a bomb.” Pierre grimaced.

“Yes, but I also brought coffee!” She set the explosive on a desk with one hand before adjusting her grip on the drink carrier so she could hand it to Pierre. “Lattes for my favorite Detroit Detectives… and one for Dick.”

“Barbara, you know you’ve got to go someplace else while this all blows over.” Pierre sighed.

“And you know I can’t do that. I’m not putting anyone else in danger. It’s bad enough that the people in my office and my building are this close it. So, no pressure, but I hope you find this guy soon.”

Barbara turned to leave. He started following her before he could stop himself.  
“I cannot believe how careless you’re being.”

“And I can’t believe how condescending you’re being.”

“You. Almost. Died.”

“So what?”

“Excuse me?”

“I said ‘ _so what_ ’. I don’t need your opinions about my life or your approval. Yes, I almost died. I’ve almost died a lot and I’m still here. Almost is a lot better than I can say for Middleburg. Four people died, their names were Evelyn, Ruth, Marisol, and Jonathan. At least 15 are still in the hospital and it has been months. Have you ever seen a 3-year-old’s coffin? Because I have. That’s what I see when I close my eyes, so no. I won’t be intimidated. I won’t run.”

She was out the door before he could think of a reply. There was no doubt about it. Barbara Gordon was going to be the death of him.

 

Barbara was mere feet from the door of her building when she became aware that something wasn’t right. It was too quiet. She pressed the button on the chain Nightwing had given her and removed Taser from her purse. The electricity crackled as she switched it on. She was ready. She was always ready.

They were on her in a flash, she wasn’t sure how many, 4 maybe 5. She dropped one with the Taser, knocked a second one back with an elbow to the bridge of his nose. From the blood and the crunch, it looked like she had broken it. She readied her Taser again when she heard the click of the gun cocking. 

“Drop it” a voice growled as she felt cold metal on her left temple. She dropped the stun gun to the ground. Her heart was pounding, but she kept calm. She needed a distraction if she had any hope of getting out of this alive. Then, like an answered prayer, Nightwing landed behind the gunman. In an instant Night wing had dislocated the man’s shoulder and thrown his weapon out of reach. The man screamed and there was a horrible thunk as metal collided with skull. The others rushed Nightwing as the first man dropped. The three grappled at close range. Barbara didn’t have a clear view but it looked like Nightwing had the upper hand despite taking a few blows. She took this opportunity to retrieve her Taser. She ignited it and pressed it firmly into the back of one of the men and he seized and dropped like a sack of flour. Nightwing kneed the last man in the stomach and rendered him unconscious with a kick to the face. 

Barbara holstered her weapon. “You good?”

He couldn’t help smiling a little. “Yeah. Nothing a little ice and a few band aids won’t cure. You?”

“No physical damage.” 

She turned toward her apartment and he grabbed her, his grip was gentle but firm. “You are not setting foot in that building until the person behind this is in handcuffs.”

His voice was low, calm, but urgent. His gaze was intense. He actually _cared_. And she was just so tired. Tired of fighting, tired of explaining herself, tired of worrying about what would be waiting for her behind the apartment door.

“Ok, Captain Spandex, where do you propose I sleep?”

“I know a place.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Barbara and Nightwing get to know each other better

There was no turning back now. He would have to take the mask off at some point tonight and the Barbara Gordon would know exactly who Nightwing really was. He forced himself to relax his grip on the steering wheel as he wondered if he was making a colossal mistake. 

“So, were you a cop or a vigilante first, Detective Grayson?”

“I’m sorry, what?” 

“Which came first? Did you become a vigilante to do things you couldn’t do as a cop or the other way around?”

“You KNEW? How?”

“It wasn’t hard to piece together. You don’t use a voice modulator and your mask only covers about 20% of your face. You also knew where to find me and who was after me before you gave me the bird signal keychain. So you were either stalking me or you had access to my police file.” Barbara didn’t bother hiding her amusement. She leaned back in her seat taking entirely too much pleasure in watching him squirm.

“You’ve known the entire time and you didn’t say anything?”

“Not the entire time, at first it was just a hunch. You can’t honestly be that surprised.”

But he was. He had imagined a more dramatic revelation, her saw her face –her eyes going wide her jaw dropping- as he slowly pealed away the mask. And, if he was honest with himself, he was… disappointed that Barbara had stolen his thunder. 

“You never answered my question. Which came first?”

“Oh. I was a vigilante first, since I was a teenager actually. I had a different name back then. But I became a detective because I didn’t like who I became when I was wearing the suit. I gave that up for a while, or I tried to.” He expected her to make some quip about relapsing, but she didn’t. She just listened. “But I’m not like that anymore. It’s part of why I changed my name and my suit.”

“Do you like who you are now?”

“Most days. How about you?”

“Do I like who I am?”

“I meant what made you decide to be a lawyer?”

“This is going to make me sound girl scout, but I wanted to help people.”  
“Why corporate law? You could have been a prosecutor.”

“I’m in corporate law in that I often help people sue corporations. So many corporations aren’t held accountable for anything they do. They get tax break after tax break and they cut corners with fair pay, worker safety, and environmental safety standards, all to make rich shareholders richer. 90% of pollution is caused by just a handful of major companies. I’m not saying that all large businesses are evil, but I am saying we can do better at regulating the ones that overstep. And if they care about the bottom line so much they’re willing to put people’s lives at risk then that’s where I’ll hit them. Where it hurts. 

And no, I could not have been a prosecutor. I grew up in Gotham so I have let’s just say I have a complicated relationship with the way our criminal justice system currently functions.”

“I grew up in Gotham too.”

“Really? That’s wild!”

Dick wanted to ask what she meant when she said “complicated relationship” and if it had anything to do with her her father was. He knew what it was like to grow up in the shadow of a famous or infamous man whose brand of justice he found unsettling. So instead he said nothing. 

“Here we are.”

Dick’s loft was surprisingly spacious. Though that could have been due to the lack of furniture. The few items he did have were sleek and minimalist. It was eerily tidy, as if Dick hardly spent any there at all. The only signs that an actual person lived in the space were the weights, punching bag, and dummy set up in the far left corner of the space, past the kitchen. 

When Barbara said “Nice place” she really meant “I didn’t know you could build an apartment entirely out of corners.” Her heart sank as she caught sight of the couch. She would have to sleep on this austere modernist nightmare. Her back ached just thinking about it. 

“Put your stuff any where you like. I’m going to go shower.”

“Wait, before you go, what’s the wifi password?”

“Just hand me your phone, I’ll type it in” It was easier than explaining that there were two networks with different levels of security and the last time the team had been over, Gar had changed the password for the guest network to FVckB@tm4n. 

Steam billowed throw the open door a Dick emerged from the shower, towel draped casually around his hips. Barbara forced herself to look away. It was rude to stare at half-naked people you hardly knew, no matter how broad shouldered they were. No matter how tempting it was to watch a water droplet slowly, methodically make its way down his rippling muscles. 

“There’s clean towels if you need.”

“Thanks. At Kori’s suggestion, I started keeping extra clothes in my office and a toothbrush in my bag, but I don’t exactly carry pajamas with me when I’m walking around, so if it’s not too much trouble-“

“Yeah, hang on.” Dick retreated to his room, “Do you need pants or”

“Just a shirt is great.”

He returned with a flannel button up, well worn and soft to the touch. By the time she had showered and dressed, Dick had set up a pillow and sheets on the torture device some sick bastard had marketed as a sofa. 

“Nice and cozy, thank you” She smiled. She was going to be gracious if it killed her. And it might, in fact, kill her.

“Oh, no. You’re taking the bed, I’ll take the” he hesitated slightly before finishing the sentence, “couch.”

There was no way in hell she was letting someone who had just taken the beating he had taken spend the night on this monstrosity. 

“No, I’m good. I’m not making you give up your bed.”

“It’s fine, I’m happy to do it.”

“You visibly winced when you said that. Look, I don’t want to insult your sense for interior design, but I sat on that thing for five minutes and it’s about as comfortable as a slab of concrete. Don’t be a martyr.”

“Which is why I’m offering you the bed.”

“You are insufferable! You can’t let me do one nice thing for you?”

“Pot, kettle, Barbie” He smirked.

“Don’t call me Barbie, Budget Batman!” She closed the distance between them.

“Budget Batman?!”  
“How big is you bed?”

“What?”

“What size is it? Twin, queen, what?”

“King”

She rolled her eyes, “of course it is. No one has to sleep on your sad excuse for a sofa. We can both fit in a king with room to spare. Grab your pillow.”

“But-“

“You want to fight with me some more or you want half a chance at a good night’s sleep?”

What the rest of the loft lacked in material comfort, that bed made up for sevenfold. After sitting on that couch, mattress was luxurious and the high thread count sheets were down right decadent. It was heaven. Dick hesitated for a moment at the edge of the bed.

“Oh, did I take your side? I can move.”

“No it’s fine. I just don’t usually share beds.”

“Me either, I prefer sleeping alone. So just push me over if crowd your space in the night, but there’s a lot of room here, I think we’ll be fine.”

As Dick slid under the sheets he fought the urge to do something stupid. Like tuck a loose strand of hair behind her ear or place his hand on the small of her back and bring her close. Instead he took one last look at Barbara Gordon before turning out the light.

“Goodnight, Barbara.”

“Goodnight, Captain Spandex. OW!” She giggled as he hit her with a pillow in the darkness.


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The first of several chapters where sex happens.

It was far from a restful night. Barbara had a habit of tossing and turning even when she was in her own bed, sleeping in an unfamiliar one exacerbated the issue. Just when she had finally drifted into a deep and dreamless slumber, she had been woken up by screaming. It took her a terrifying moment to remember where she was and why there was someone else in the bed. Suddenly she was wide awake. It was Dick who had screamed, he was thrashing about, clearly having a nightmare. She prodded him carefully, “Hey, Dick, wake up”. There was no response. She shook his arm a little, “Dick, you’re dreaming.” Still nothing. She gripped move firmly and raised her voice, “Dick, wake up!”

He opened his eyed, breathing heavily. “What? What is it?”

“It’s nothing, you were just having a nightmare” She tried to sound soothing.

“Yeah, that happens sometimes.”

“You ok?”

“Yeah. Sorry if I woke you up.”

“It’s fine, go back to sleep.”

It wasn’t as if Dick had never slept next to someone. He’d stayed the night with many of his exes. More recently, he and Kori had managed it a handful of times, but he still wasn’t used to sharing a bed and Barbara wasn’t making it any easier. For the first hour she tossed and turned so much her felt like he was sleeping in a moon bounce. He should have warned her about the night terrors, they didn’t happen every night, but they were frequent enough that he was used to waking himself up screaming. However, he wasn’t used to finding someone there, with a calm voice and a gentle hand on his shoulder telling him it was all a dream.

If this had been a year ago, he’d have gotten up and paced restlessly around the room before resigning himself to a wakeful night of reading in the living room. But he let himself be lulled back to sleep. He couldn’t help but be pleased with himself. He’d come a long way from the man who had driven across the country to dump Rachel on Dawn Granger’s doorstep. 

Three uneventful days came and went. Barbara found herself home, she grimaced admonishing herself for referring to Dick’s place as home even in her thoughts, alone on the 4th night. She paced the floorboards like a tiger in zoo. All this protection, being escorted from one “safe” building to another, the doubling back to make sure they aren’t followed, the back routes, the fake outs, the constant supervision made her feel caged. She wanted to rip to shred to tear something to pieces with her bare hands. To bend metal. To rend flesh. She wanted to scream.

Instead she took out her frustrations on Dick’s work out space. Dick was out with his team, being a damn superhero and here she was stuck. She kicked, punched, and shoved the hanging bag in the corner of the loft until she was covered and sweat and breathing hard. It wasn’t until she turned on the water in the shower that she realized she’d split her knuckles. She stood there in a pool of blood and water until, like all things, it washed away.

Dick dragged his beleaguered body into the loft sometime past 2. He pulled himself into and out of the shower. He knew he should dress the cut on his shoulder where blade made of god knows what material had sliced through his suit like a warm spoon through ice cream. He knew he should trade his towel for pajamas. He knew he should tread quietly to avoid waking Barbara, but he did none of those things. He walked into the room and flopped heavily onto the bed. There was no danger of waking Barbara, she was sitting up and the light was on.

“Rough Night?”

Dick only groaned in response.

“If you don’t bandage that you’re going to get blood on the sheets.”

“I’ll get new sheets.”

Barbara rolled her eyes before getting up to fetch bandages, cotton balls, and an antibacterial ointment. 

“Sit up.” Dick grudgingly obliged. Barbara could have tended his arm by standing on the opposite side of the bed, but she chose instead to kneel straddling his legs instead. She dabbed ointment in the cut somewhat clumsily. 

“Ouch” he hissed.

“Sorry” She hadn’t meant to hurt him. She felt him stiffen beneath her. She pressed a little harder this time, testing a theory. There was no mistaking it. _So_ she thought _Dick Grayson likes a little pain_. She finished bandaging his arm. She made eye contact as she brought her body closer to his. There was a tender area on his shoulder which would likely bruise by morning. She stroked the area gently. He winced. She pressed her finger into it, not hard enough to do damage, but enough to send a deep shooting pain through his muscle tissue.

“Ow, Barbara, stop!” And she did. She immediately withdrew her hands. She’d made her point, she could feel him hard beneath her. She brought her lips to his ear, “make me,” she purred.

In an instant they were kissing. He had one hand on her lower back, the other tangled in her hair. She rocked her hips against him gently. 

Dick pulled back, catching his breath. “I don’t want to make this weird for you. And I don’t want you to think we have-”  
“Dick” she interrupted, “I’m not going to fuck you or anyone else out of obligation. I want this. But if you’re not interested, we can stop right now, no hard feelings (pun intended) no weirdness.”

Dick smiled and brought his lips to hers, kissing her soft and slow. It was nice, but it wasn’t what she needed. 

“Can you kiss me like you’re angry?”

Dick’s eyes lit up. The kisses became aggressive, hungry. She took his bottom lip between her teeth for a moment. He made a deep, throaty sound between a moan and a growl. He launched forward and pinned her on her back, holding down each of her wrists.

“Like this?” he asked from above her.

“God yes. Can I fight you a little?”

“Sure, just say stop if I’m being too rough.”

“Likewise.”

“Is there anywhere I can’t touch you?”

“No, but don’t cover my mouth. And you can put your hand on my neck, but don’t squeeze? Is there anywhere or any way I shouldn’t touch you?”

“If you can avoid hitting or kicking me in the face, that would be great.”

“I can do that”

She struggled underneath his grip for a while. He was too strong and he had too much leverage for her to free her hands by force. So she hooked her legs around his waist, grinding against him. The pleasure of the sensation made him grip slacken. She was able to get one hand free, she unlocked her legs and pushed him backwards, no enough to hit the headboard, but enough to scramble out from beneath him. They eyed each other from opposite ends of the bed. The towel hand long ago fallen to the floor. She unbuttoned her oversized shirt slowly and dropped it to the floor. Dick propelled himself forward to grab her, but that was a rookie mistake. She dodged to the right and flipped him onto his back while he was off balance. 

“I win” she grinned, pinning him the same way he’d pinned her earlier. Dick laughed. She let go of his wrists and brought his hands to her breasts. Her nipples hardened at his touch. He slid his right hand down her body and between her thighs. His cock twitched when he felt her wet and ready.  
“Condom?”

“Top drawer of the nightstand.”

“Of course they are.”

Once he was covered, she placed just the tip of him inside of her moving her hips in an excruciatingly slow undulation. He gripped her hips hard. His jaw clenched, his brows knit together, she loved the way he looked when she was driving him crazy. 

She lowered herself, taking in his full length before picking up her pace. Dick moved his hand from her hip to place his thumb oh her clit, his thumb rubbing back and forth in time with her movements. A small moan escaped her lips, she threw her head back in pleasure. She moaned louder, eyes still closed. She was getting close; he could feel her tightening around him. As she was about to go over the edge, he flipped her onto her back. 

“I win” Dick grinned as she came. She smiled and leaned up for a kiss only bite his lip hard. Dick moaned. He hooked one of her legs with his arm and placed it over his shoulder allowing him to sink in deeper. He could feel the pressure building. Barbara grabbed his ass with the free hand. “god” he cried out as he came undone. 

The room was silent but for their heavy breathing. Until Barbara turned onto her side to face Dick. “I don’t know; I think it was a tie.”  
They laughed themselves to sleep.


	8. Chapter 8

If there was one thing Kori liked about this office gig it was the expansive windows. The other office denizens would avoid the west facing apertures when the afternoon sun streamed in, but not Kori. She would bask in the golden beams, every cell in her body storing this energy for later use. It was the best 20 minutes of an otherwise mind-numbing temp job. She’d only been working here a week, she had secured the position a week prior, shortly after another bomb- bound for Barbara’s desk this time- narrowly missed its mark. Kori didn’t love blending in with humans, but she was exceptionally skilled at it. She just traded her magenta curls for sleek violet tinted locks, her dark plum lipstick for a natural shade, her shiny purple jumpsuit for trousers and a silk blouse, and dusted off her Kory Anders ID. Unlike Dick, Kori didn’t need a mask to live a double life.

She knew Barbara was trying to make it easier for her. Instead of working at her desk late into the night as she had done most nights before Dick and Kori assigned themselves to her security detail, Barbara left the office every day between 5 and 6. She didn’t stop working, of course. Kori knew she couldn’t. She simply packed any files she needed and resumed work on her laptop as soon as she was safely home. Barbara was wound so tight Kori got stressed out just looking at her. 

Barbara’s head snapped up when she heard a tapping sound come from the edge of her desk. She breathed a small sigh of relief when she saw Kori drumming her fingers lightly on the cheap wood. Barbara could tell Kori was planning something, she had her mouth slightly open and her tongue touched to her left canine. She always did that when she was plotting. It sent lightning bolts of wicked excitement down Barbara’s spine.

“What can I do for you, Miss Anders?”

“When was the last time you relaxed?”

“What?”

“When was the last time you really let yourself have fun? And beating the hell out Dick’s punching bags doesn’t count.”

Barbara blushed. Closest she’s gotten to fun was sleeping with Dick a week ago and while it had been a great momentary escape, it hadn’t been what she’d call relaxing. “It’s been a while, I guess.”

“We’re going on a roadtrip, Gordon.”

“Good one” Barbara laughed out loud.

“I’m serious. I’m taking you on a roadtrip as soon as the clock strikes 5.”

“I can’t go on a roadtrip. I have work to do and don’t you need to do Titan stuff?”

“Barbara you’ve been working near 80 hours a week and we both know a good chunk of the work you’re doing at home isn’t billable.”

“Well I do a lot of pro bono so-“

“Stop. You’re working way more than you have to because you’re afraid of what happens when you stop. I see the marks on your hands and I know that when you’re not working you’re throwing everything you have at the training station.”

“Sometimes I stress cook instead.”

“Look, you’re handling all of this well. You’re really keeping it together, but you need to take some time to actually relax before you have a nervous breakdown. It’s Friday. You can take one weekend to enjoy yourself.”

“I don’t know, Kori” 

“If you won’t do it for you, do it for me. This office is driving me nuts and I need to cut loose. Come on, Gordon. Pleeeease. Be my wing woman?”

Who was she kidding, there was no resisting Koriand’r. “Ok, fine. Where are we going?”

“There’s a great party happening in Chicago tonight. We can make it by 10 if the traffic is good. Oh and I’m going to pick you up something better to wear.”

“What’s wrong with how I’m dressed.”

“You’re dressed like a lawyer.”

“I am a lawyer.”

“I have something sparkly with your name on it!” Kori was on her way before Barbara could protest. This weekend was either going to be amazing or a complete disaster. Either way, Barbara had a feeling it was going to make a spectacular story.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a super short update, but it's been so long since my last chapter that I wanted to get something out before my next long chapter.
> 
> When I started this work, Barbara hadn't been mentioned at all on Titans so my version of her could theoretically be canon. She was mentioned in the finale but it's not clear what her relationship to the other characters is or if she does in fact exist outside of Dick's dream world.
> 
> You can find me on tumblr[ here ](http://thirdsisfics.tumblr.com) if you're so inclined.


	9. Chapter 9

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kori and Barbara start their Chicago road trip and Barbara starts a fight

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The end of this chapter features an attempted sexual assault. It's interrupted very early and nothing remotely sexual takes place, but I wanted to warn folks so no one gets a nasty surprise.

Kori had insisted on rolling down the windows and turning up the radio once they’d finally traded city traffic for open highway. She motioned for Barbara to join her in enthusiastically belting the up tempo pop song thumping through the speakers. Which she did, of course, Kori’s joy was infectious. _I could get used to this_ she thought. They continued on that way until the evening chill forced their windows closed.

“Really? And you two haven’t fooled around since?” 

“Yeah. It was fun, but making a habit of it seems like a recipe for disaster. Staying with him is supposed to be temporary but there’s no end date in sight and that makes me nervous”

“You’re afraid you’re going from zero to live-in-girlfriend” 

“Yes, that’s it exactly. Too much too fast.”

“That’s wise. He’s a good man, but he does have a habit of running headfirst into trouble without thinking.”

“You saying I’m trouble, Miss Anders?”

Kori took eyes off the road just long enough to capture Barbara’s gaze. “Nothing I can’t handle.” She grinned to herself. She didn’t need to look over to know her passenger’s cheeks were rapidly turning the color of her hair. 

“But you two found a balance in the end, didn’t you?”

“Yeah, we did. Friends and teammates first and foremost, the sex is just a pretty great bonus. Like a _reeeally_ ," Kori stretched the word like saltwater taffy, “great bonus” 

Barbara laughed, “I’ll bet. So, what’s this party we’re going to in Chicago?” 

“It’s an art disco.” 

"A what?” 

"It’s a new multi floor venue. The top is a fancy art gallery, children’s museum below that, artist workspace under that, and the bottom floor is a nightclub with a combination of interactive pieces and traditional works. I got tickets from Donna Troy, she has a couple photos featured on the top and bottom floors.” 

“Wait, you know Donna Troy? THE Donna Troy?” 

“Yeah. I know her through Dick. They’re sort of family friends.”

“That’s amazing! I love her work, I have two of her prints in my apartment! Judging by the dress you picked out for me, we’re headed to the bottom floor” 

“Indeed we are. This probably goes without saying, but some of the exhibits are designed to be instagrammed, so try to make sure you’re not photobombing.” 

“Lest it attract the attention of an actual bomber, I know. I’ve been stalked long enough the basics.” 

Barbara had never seen anything like this place. Three of the walls in the main room were a single base color and covered with contemporary artworks in myriad styles. The only thing that linked the pieces on a given wall was heavy use of the wall’s base color. The fourth wall was blank and white, different light shows and projections would dance across it in time to the thumping music. There were two staircases, one that lead up to the now closed studio, and one that lead nowhere, part the way up it just dissolved like a Dali painting. Though, unlike a Dali painting, the apparently melting metal formed a pole one could slide down, or -as a very tipsy young woman was currently doing- dance on. The bar had cocktails predictably named after famous artists. Barbara counted at least 4 side rooms with interactive exhibits. 

“I’m thinking tequila and then dance floor” Kori had to raise her voice slightly to be heard over the music. 

“You read my mind” 

Kori pulled Barbara to the middle of the dance floor. She had half expected lawyer barbie to be stiff and awkward in the crowd of gyrating bodies, but not only was Barbara at ease, she had _moves_. On a whim she pulled her close, “dance with me” she whispered in her ear. Barbara nodded enthusiastically. It was electric the way their moved together. Kori was a little disappointed when the song ended and a tall muscular man approached her ask for dance. She looked back at Barbara who mouthed “go, have fun” with a smile. She nodded. She knew, in the slinky dress she’d picked out, lawyer barbie wouldn’t be partnerless for long. 

Barbara had lost count of the times she’d switched partners. She didn’t know whose hands we on her hips and frankly, as long as they didn’t wander too far, she didn’t care. For a moment, one pure moment, she lost herself in dance, in touch, in sound. But it didn’t last long. All at once it was too much and not enough. The stranger’s caress was too soft, the music was too slow, the pulse of the base was reduced to a dull thud and everything looked ugly and pointless. She wanted to scream. She untangled herself from nameless arms wrapped around her and went to stake out a seat at the bar. That’s when she saw it, maybe it was nothing, but there was a man circling the dance floor. His appearance was unremarkable, late 20s early 30s on the tall side of average, athletic build. The kind of guy her coworker, Kim, would call a “dude-bro". But there something about the way he moved. He wasn’t just walking, he was prowling. Hunting. 

"Hey” Kori plopped down next to her, panting. 

“Making friends?” 

“Yes, I’m very popular.” She waved at the bar tender, “Can I get a water?” She thanked him as he slid a bottle her way before turning her attention back to Barbara, “You having fun?” 

"Yes, definitely, just taking a club soda break before I get back out there.” She kept half her attention on the man as she talked with Kori. Sure enough, he’d found a mark. No one but Barbara noticed as he lead visibly inebriated woman to back door. “Hey, can you watch my purse for a second?” 

“Oh, sure. Where are you-” 

“I’ll be back in a minute, I think I just need some air.” Barbara smiled and bolted toward the back door. Kori knew something was up. She paid for her water and waited a few moments before silently following her friend. 

Barbara found them in the alley. “Hey man, lemme go, ish cold” the woman slurred. 

“The lady said ‘let go.’” 

“Mind your business, this is my girlfriend.” 

“You know this guy?” Barbara asked the woman. The woman shook her head. She turned her attention back to the man, “Let. Her. Go.” Each word was dripping in venom. 

“I told you to mind your own business, bitch” He spat. 

“Oh no, the big man called me a bitch I think I’ll go inside and cry. Last chance, buddy, let her go before I make you.” She moved closer so that she was just barely an arms length away. Not for the first time she was glad to be wearing chic ankle boots instead of heels. 

He released the drunk woman and turned his full attention to to Barbara. “If you wanted my attention, baby, all you had to do was ask.” He swung at her, a clumsy attempt at a backhand that left his middle wide open to attack. She ducked under his arm and landed a jab squarely in his solar plexus, knocking the wind out of him. She backed up, forcing him to come forward for the next attack. 

“You stupid fucking bitch” He huffed. 

“Come on, man, you’ve said 'bitch' twice. Vary the misogynist slurs. Be a higher class of creep.” 

“Shut up, slut” He lunged at her and she dodged, leaving one foot in place to trip him. 

“That’s the spirit” She dispensed four quick kicks, two in the ribs and two in the obliques. Using the toe of her boot, she turned him onto his back. She kneeled beside his head, “and sweetie, _smile_ ” she purred. There was sickening crack as her her elbow shattered his nose. 

She turned her attention back to the drunk woman. “You ok?” 

“Yeah.” 

“Did you come here with people? 

“Yeah, my friends.” 

“Do you need help finding them?” 

“No, I think I’ll be ok.” 

“Ok, well I’ll walk you back to the door just to be sure, is that ok with you?” 

“Yeah, that’s cool. Thank you, by the way.” 

Barbara just nodded. And walked back towards the door where she found Kori waiting with her arms crossed. The drunk woman navigated around her. Barbara had the sinking feeling she was in trouble. 

“And by “air” you meant beating the shit out of some creepy dude.” 

“You saw all of that, huh?” 

"Yeah. You want to tell me what’s up?” 

“I was just looking out for that girl. I had it under control.” 

“I know, I watched you. I would have stepped in if it looked like you were in over your head. You’re sure there’s nothing you want to talk about.” 

“Nope, I’m good. Just ladies helping ladies.” Barbara flashed a chipper smile. 

Kori sighed. “Ok then. Here’s your purse.” She wasn’t going to force the issue. Maybe she was jumping to conclusions. Maybe Barbara had legitimately forgotten her Taser was in her purse when she’s asked Kori to hang on to it. Maybe. She didn’t think so, but maybe. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been a minute, but I'm glad to be back telling this story. 
> 
> You can find me on tumblr[ here ](http://thirdsisfics.tumblr.com) if you're so inclined.


End file.
